In Limbo
This is a very strange time of year for both Tom and I, the year is almost over and although I will be staying I am not sure what Tom is going to do. He is the type of person who does absolutely no planning, I used to live like this but I have discovered recentlly that I can't get anything done if I don't plan. I dunno if he even knows what he is going to do, everyone tells me I should put less time and effort into my brother. Although this is not the type of thing I would do he has certainly put less time and effort into me. I moved into my new apartment on the 19th of may and as of yet Tom has not come by once, in fact the relationship with both Stoerm and Tom has become very one sided from my point of view. It's literally impossible for me to stay calm around Stoerm, it seems as though he says the most insulting thing he could possibly say in front of people who I wish to respect me. Usually I feel like injuring him but I tend to act rashly in some other way, I feel I have grown to be a very violent individual in some ways. Although I have never struck anyone out of anger, I have a very good grasp on the situation. I grow tired of being contradicted, I don't see things the same way as anyone else does. I do not have the same boundaries that many normal people have and that seems to make some people uneasy. I am not sure what to do about it, this post is a good point. I am sure Stoerm will read it at some point and be somewhat hurt by the things I have said, however he has hurt me so many times since he came to China that it doesn't really bother me. I used to be able to take the things he said pretty well because I was nobody when I was back home. I have always had a very less than human feeling from Stoerm and I am starting to get that same feeling from Tom and I don't like it.
I am a very different, very well respected person in this city. lots of people know me, like me, and treat me as an equal. It seems as though Stoerm is treating me just like he would back in the US and I demand more respect now, that is all there is to it. Every time I protest I get talked to like a child and it seems like my only option is to get violent about the whole thing because I am not heard out. You know, how can those to expect me to pay the money I owe them when all they really do is treat me like shit. I mean they took me out for my birthday, but I would have done the same for them and prolly more. It's strange, most people would consider me a fairly generous person, yet the people I really love treat me like retarded homeless person. I dunno maybe asking to be treated like an equal amongst people who feel superior to everyone else in the first place is just to much to ask.
I have a great many friends here who love me, treat me well, and realize I am a fairly smart person. I value their firendship, Stoerm and Tom and many of you out there that claim to understand me ... simply don't. Anyhow this is turning into another tortured rant, I am going to get enough trouble from this one anyway. I suppose I don't care right now
Doing well with my savings, should be able to cover many of my debts next check, gotta start my day.
I am a very different, very well respected person in this city. lots of people know me, like me, and treat me as an equal. It seems as though Stoerm is treating me just like he would back in the US and I demand more respect now, that is all there is to it. Every time I protest I get talked to like a child and it seems like my only option is to get violent about the whole thing because I am not heard out. You know, how can those to expect me to pay the money I owe them when all they really do is treat me like shit. I mean they took me out for my birthday, but I would have done the same for them and prolly more. It's strange, most people would consider me a fairly generous person, yet the people I really love treat me like retarded homeless person. I dunno maybe asking to be treated like an equal amongst people who feel superior to everyone else in the first place is just to much to ask.
I have a great many friends here who love me, treat me well, and realize I am a fairly smart person. I value their firendship, Stoerm and Tom and many of you out there that claim to understand me ... simply don't. Anyhow this is turning into another tortured rant, I am going to get enough trouble from this one anyway. I suppose I don't care right now
Doing well with my savings, should be able to cover many of my debts next check, gotta start my day.
posted by goemonronin at 9:01 PM
2 Comments:
I like your savings plan. Good for you. One thing I really respect about you is that money was never more important than people and enjoying life...so don't throw the baby out with the bath water...balance the two responsibly.
One the relationship thing. Treat people the way you want them to treat you..always..irregardless. There is a theory that the way we are treated is what we are attracting..mainly because we don't feel good about ourselves. By acting responsibly and with dignity and honesty we will feel good about who we are and this attracts respect. Be impeccable wit your word (if you can't say something good...think of something)..don't take anything personal...most of the time we take what people say and assume the worst...know who you are and like water off a ducks back..return insult with kindness.
I have to completely back daddude's comments. While being a decent human being doesn't guarantee reciprocal behavior in others, its main virtue is that being a DHB stands on its own merit.
A major concern is a possible vicious cycle. An event, encounter, conversation, etc. between two people results in a negative reaction, which produces a "counter" negative reaction, then on and on until only overall hostility remains. That cycle needs to be broken right from the start ... somewhat counter-intuitively, one must react as amicably as possible so at least to not add fuel to the fire. Much of the time some bad feelings will diminish and friendships and acquaintanceships can return. Remember that others would have their own say on how you are perceived by them.
Sometimes this is one-sided, but still worthwhile nonetheless.
You should at this point be somewhat concerned about your violent thoughts ... this is not good.
Again, congrats on savings plans ... you'll be surprised how it becomes second nature to question one's spending and find dozens of ways to save a yuan here and there. Always test the sense of "need" in your decision making.
Patrick
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