The Reason

Hello all, I am creating this blog so my family can keep up with my progress in regards to moving abroad. This blog will continue when or if I get there, so if you want to know what is going on come here I will try to post something everyday. However, I may be plenty busy so perhaps as little as once a week. I plan on being myself so I will probably swear a great deal (Sorry Grandma, but I literally swear every third word), Sorry but if anyone has a problem with that then don't read the blog, but also don't plan on getting any personal emails answered quickly. So now that that's over lets get to my first post. Yes I realize I used a misspelled version of the word fleeing but that is really because I only want you guys to be able to find this blog (for now at least).


Now as many of you know I am attempting to leave this place and move to china for an undisclosed period of time, and many of you have asked why I intend to do so. I have given all of you a similar answer but the look I tend to get back is one of misunderstanding. So, I intend to give my official answer right now. The main reason is simply this country, this place is really fucked up right now. Not just because we are at war and the economy is garbage, those things have much to do with it in the long run though. This country puts many strange ideas in the heads of it's citizens and requires a great deal from them to be successful. Without a degree of any kind I won't be able to get by in life, I can barley do so as it is.

I am 28 years old and have made some bad decisions in my life, I realize that where I am now is in at least some way my fault, however I wasn't exactly given the same chances in life that many others were, and perhaps I was given more than some. Should I have finished school? Yeah of course I should have but in the end all I would have is a degree in graphic arts that would still get me nowhere down here, maybe I should have chosen a different profession earlier on but I really couldn't afford it as I was forced to pay for school on my own, Personally I believe a students tuition should be covered one way or another and there were certain things that were done that prevented that, I won't go any further into this right now.

Should I have wasted 6 years with Carrie? Although I wish I hadn't I believe it was necessary for my growth as an adult. Carrie simply realized something about this area at least before I did, I think if your going to start over you had better do more than move to Houston, and if she had not sprung it on me so suddenly I may have been able to settle some affairs and go with her. Would that have saved our relationship? I doubt it, Carrie and I grew into very different people while we were together, I had a problem with many of the things she was doing with herself and her life and she prolly felt the same way about me. But we loved each other and I think to a certain extent we still do, things will never be the same between us and it bothers me that she left me for some one armed hillbilly, but what can I do? I may do some things differently if I had it all to do over again, but wouldn't we all?

I have done many things in my life that I am not proud of, I have lied, cheated, I've been a petty thief and a crook just to try and get by in life because I have never had enough, or maybe I just never had what I thought I deserved. I worked very hard for a number of years and have nothing to show for it but a vehicle that I never intended to pay a dime for, yet somehow 10's of thousands of my own dollars have gone towards it, and a house full of furniture that by all rights should have been repoed years ago. Did I get myself into some of these things? Of course. Did Carrie get me into some of these things? Shit yeah. Did my parents? Yeah. Regardless my life is the shambles it is and nothing can be done about how it got that way, the only thing I can do is try to make it better, but can I do that here? Nope I don't think I can, I make too much to get financial aid, too little to really be able to afford school and support myself, not to mention degrees in this country are just really expensive. Not to mention I hate my job, and by the way I wish everyone would really quit trying to make me like it, that won't happen and I think that is also a huge problem in this country. People simply give up and give in to easily, just some how trick themselves into thinking they enjoy going to some bullshit job everyday that doesn't pay you anything, doesn't care about you, and would sooner replace you with someone that doesn't know what they are doing just to pay them less.

However if I move to China (Or a similar Asian country. Mongolia, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia etc.) I can teach up to the university level. I have always really wanted to be a teacher, it took me a while to realize that but now it's what I know I want to do. Not only that but I really don't need a degree. I will have a cert for teaching English as a second language and my passport and that is fine with them. Not only that but I can go to university there and get my degree in education for anywhere from 6-8 grand, if any of you have any doubts about the university check it out here http://www.whu.edu.cn/en/. I will make good money over there (About 500 a month). That may not sound like allot but in china you can live like a king for that, all of my living expenses will be covered by the school I work for. I can finally in a way live like I feel I deserve to, and in a way like I feel every human being should be able to, I'll be able to afford thing, maybe send some money home to my parents for taking pity on me all these years. I would also hope that I would meet a woman there. If I can do this I don't see many bad things happening in my life, when I do come back to the states I will have a degree and jobs that I will enjoy will be much easier to come by and if I do things right I can actually bring some money home. I am afraid it is nearly 5am and I have work. This was a long first post but the next ones will be a bit shorter